Why I Regret Getting My Hair Permanently Straightened

I Googled “permanent hair straightening” and combed through my magazine subscriptions until I found the answer to my beauty prayers: keratin treatments. Keratin hair treatments are semi-permanent blowouts that leave hair smooth and frizz-free for about six months. Seeing pictures of long, shiny straight hair on all the models sold me immediately. 

My parents were pretty conservative when it came to physical appearances; they saw makeup and hairstyling as frivolous and excessive. I wasn’t even allowed to wear nail polish. But I was persistent, and after a lot of begging, they eventually compromised. “If it’s what you really want, we’ll take you when you’re 13,” they said. 

My mom took me to a local salon, and my hairstylist broke it down for us. She would work a straightening solution throughout my hair. It would then be blow-dried and sealed with a flat iron. 

The treatment took about two hours. I sat in the chair, flipping through magazines filled with models and celebrities with the same long blown-out hair that I hoped to have once this was over—I was excited for this new me. When it was all done, my naturally wavy hair was straightened out into long, black, silky smooth strands and so shiny; I couldn’t stop running my fingers through it. Other hairstylists came by to tell me how good it looked. I was having my princess transformation moment. It looked good, and I felt good.  

I went into ninth grade pretty confident; I was about to attend an all-girls Catholic high school, where no boys could make any judgments on my appearance. But there I was at orientation in an auditorium with a hundred of my tall, thin, and blonde classmates. If there was a rule in life that everyone is supposed to look awkward as a teenager, these girls were clearly the exception, and my self-esteem took a nosedive. 

Teachers broke us into small groups, and we played ice breakers to get to know each other. At the end, they gave us each a card to pass around so others could write one thing they liked about us. When I got my card back, along with generalities that I’m nice, every single girl wrote, “I love your hair.” 

I got their stamp of approval and was determined to keep it. But my parents couldn’t afford for me to get keratin treatments more than once a year. I did more research and found a salon that offered Japanese straightening treatments. These treatments are stronger than Keratin ones, using different chemicals to smooth out hair. When administered by a salon professional, Japanese straightening and keratin hair treatments aren’t harmful. But as with all chemical hair services, how you treat your hair in between appointments plays a huge role. 

I started tutoring for extra money to go toward getting a second straightening treatment every year and would flat iron my hair every day when my natural hair would grow in. By sophomore year of college, the constant heat styling (without a heat protectant in sight) caused huge chunks of my hair to fall out whenever I worked through all the tangles, and the ends were so dry.  My hairstylist had to confront me with the truth. “Your hair is really damaged,” she said. “I’m not comfortable doing this treatment on your already fragile hair.” 

The standard of beauty for the longest time meant you had to be thin, blonde, and white. That was especially magnified if you grew up in Los Angeles, California, as I did. I was so desperate to fit in, chasing this impossible standard; my tan Filipino skin will never be white, but my hair was one thing I could change and control. While my parents would tell me my natural hair was beautiful, no one else ever did. Instead, those people would stop and go out of their way to tell me how much they loved my straight hair. 

How I wish I grew up now with brands celebrating natural waves and curls and seeing models that looked more like me. I probably wouldn’t have mistreated my hair the way I did. 

I agreed with my hairstylist, and instead, she did a deep conditioning treatment to help restore moisture and treat all the damage. She also helped come up with a game plan to get it healthy again. I stopped using any hot tools for two years and used hair masks weekly to help treat all the damage. 

By the time I graduated from college, my hair was back to a healthy state. Despite the years of hair rehab, my hair has lost a lot of its natural wave and volume. But it’s still pretty thick, and to keep it strong and hydrated, I stick to shampoos and conditioners that cater to dry hair, like Redken’s All Soft Argan-Oil Enriched Shampoo For Dry Hair and the Extreme Strengthening Conditioner for Damaged Hair. The most styling I do now is with a blowdryer. 

And the rare times I do use a flat iron, I do it solely for the only approval that matters: my own. Just how beauty was intended to be.