How Going Gray Created an Unexpected Sense of Community

Shortly after making my decision, I discovered (via Instagram) that my friend Kim had also recently decided to go gray. I immediately reached out to her, and she and I bonded over our joy at being done with chasing our roots.

Kim was the first person I’d ever spoken to about growing out my gray hair who didn’t react with shock and horror. She enthusiastically supported my decision, celebrated it, and pointed me in the direction of other women who could also support me in my journey to naturally silver hair.

What I didn’t know then was that, by reaching out to Kim for support, I had entered the wonderful world of the silver sisterhood: a strong and vibrant community of like-minded women who lift each other up and support each other while transitioning to gray hair (and after).

The silver sisterhood is truly one of the strongest and most supportive networks of women I’ve ever encountered, and joining it changed my life in ways I never could’ve imagined when I first started my gray hair journey.

How It Started

I started going gray at the tender age of 15. My natural hair color was dark brown, almost black, and I loved it. Most of my friends in West Michigan were blue-eyed blondes, so being a green-eyed brunette made me stand out in a crowd. There was no way that I was going to let gray hair interfere with my signature look.

So, every time I found a gray hair (which happened with increasing frequency over the years), I’d pluck it out and go on my merry way.

Even though I loved my natural hair color, I started dyeing it shortly after I entered college. Dyeing was a bonding ritual among my group of friends. We’d henna each other’s hair one month and experiment with temporary spray-on dyes the next. We’d take turns highlighting each other's hair or dyeing it with cheap box dyes from the drugstore. And we tried every shade you could possibly imagine—from rich burgundy browns to bold, punky cherry reds. It was fun, and I loved every minute of it!

But as I grew older, dyeing my hair stopped being fun and instead morphed into a time-consuming, expensive, and sometimes painful chore—especially since my gray roots began to grow in with increasing fervor around the time I hit 25. Still, it never occurred to me to stop dyeing my hair. I honestly felt like I had no choice but to cover up my gray roots.

And so, for the next 25 years, I dyed my hair and powdered my roots between touch-ups to mask regrowth. As I approached 50, I dreamed of the day when I could finally stop this tedious routine. I was not only sick of all the money I had to spend on root powders, box dye, and salon visits, but I was especially sick of all the wasted time—time that could’ve been better spent doing something I enjoyed, not wasted in a salon chair reading a magazine or bent over my bathroom sink dyeing my hair at home.

I knew I wanted to stop dyeing, but my hairstylist was very resistant. “You’ll look old,” she snapped at me. I’m usually a self-confident person, but I let her words scare me into continuing to dye my hair for another two years.

The Turning Point

I was 50 when I decided to ditch the dye for good. Every few days, I would stand in front of my bathroom mirror, open the medicine cabinet, and stare at a box of hair dye. The thought of using it would fill me with dread, so I'd close the cabinet and walk away. A few days later, I'd find myself back in front of the cabinet, reaching for the hair dye, and that feeling of dread would wash over me again. I'd put the hair dye back and walk away.

This cycle repeated over and over before I finally decided to put an end to it. Within a millisecond of making that decision, I felt downright euphoric, as if I'd lifted a massive weight off my shoulders. I'd been fighting my gray hair for over 35 years, and being free from that struggle felt incredibly liberating.

My Gray Hair Journey and Transformation

From the beginning, I knew that I didn’t want to transition to gray hair quickly, I didn’t want to cut my hair, and I didn’t want to use any more damaging chemicals. So, I chose to go gray cold turkey: I simply stopped dyeing my hair and only went to the salon for occasional trims.

I’d always feared showing my gray roots in public, but now I wore my skunk stripe like a badge of honor. As time went on, my fading brunette ends turned brassy and even that didn’t bother me. I felt joyful at no longer hiding a part of myself, so the dramatic changes in my hair didn’t faze me.

Aside from the occasional negative comment or unsolicited advice, the rest of my transition went smoothly. By the time I grew my gray hair out to my shoulders and my (new, supportive) stylist cut off the last of the dye, I was ready to fully embrace my life as a naturally silver-haired woman.

All the fears that I had when I was younger about going gray didn’t materialize. I’d worried that I’d look old, unattractive, or like I’d “let myself go” if I went gray. But the silver hair gave my skin a youthful glow that took years off my face. I’d worried that transitioning to gray hair would hurt my career, and it not only did not hurt my career, but it opened up new opportunities for me. I’d fretted that if I had gray hair, I’d receive hurtful comments. But I get more compliments on my hair now than I ever did as a young woman.

After years of hating my hair, I love it again. It’s relatively low maintenance, looks and feels healthier than it did when I was coloring it weekly, and makes me feel unique. I’ll never go back to the dye!

Sharing the Love

Shortly after I decided to go gray, I founded a website called Katie Goes Platinum. I created it to show women that going gray didn’t have to be scary but could, in fact, be a joyful, fun experience.

My site not only helps women learn how to transition to gray hair, but it also provides inspiration, support, and gray haircare advice. Aside from my children, my website is my proudest accomplishment. I get emails from women all over the world who thank me for my guidance, and that makes me feel fantastic.

I also co-admin Silver Revolution, a popular Facebook gray hair support group with over 30,000 members, and share videos on my YouTube channel. I’m even working on creating a gray hair course that I hope to launch in Fall 2024.

When I began my journey, I never dreamed that the “simple” act of going gray would open up a whole new career and help me meet women all around the world, some of whom have become dear friends. It’s like a dream come true—I genuinely love what I do. And it’s all thanks to my silver strands.

Katie’s Top 3 Gray Hair Tips

1. Be confident. Whether you’re just starting your transition to gray hair or already fully gray, the most important thing you need in your arsenal is confidence. Confidence can keep you going on bad days, and it’s also incredibly attractive. (And if you’re not feeling your most confident, fake it ‘til you make it).
2. The makeup and clothing colors you loved before may not suit you after you’ve gone gray. But if you’re still mid-transition, don’t immediately throw out your favorite shirts and lipsticks! Instead, set them aside until your transition is over because you won’t really know what your final gray hair shade will be until all of your dye has been cut off. After you’re fully gray, then decide whether or not those colors still suit you.
3. If you want to avoid yellow tones in your gray hair, protect it from sun and heat damage. When going out in the sun, put some UV protectant on your hair and wear a hat. Try to avoid hot tools if possible, but if you must use them, make sure to use them on the lowest heat setting (and always protect your strands with a thermal protectant).

Next Up: Shaving My Head Was The Greatest Unexpected Catharsis